When God told Avraham lech lecha, to go, he went. But he didn’t go alone, he went with his family. Even though they all went along the relationships were not always easy. Sometimes they were fractious and even led to separation. But Avraham did not give up on them even when it was hard. Now, many of us are grappling with how to be in relationship with people who are really different from us. How do we maintain closeness when we disagree on fundamental assumptions? Avraham didn’t always get it right, but he certainly tried.
Let’s look at the character of Lot, Avraham’s nephew. Lot accompanied Avram to the land of Canaan and the Torah tells us that they grew wealthy together. But their wealth caused strife and their shepherds fought over grazing land. This continued until Avraham decided that it was finally time for the two of them to part ways. He tells Lot that there is a big country out there and that he should choose somewhere else to settle.
The commentators disagree on whether the parting was happy or acrimonious. Ramban says the fight was about the allocation of scarce resources. But Rashi writes that the shepherds, or maybe Lot himself, reckoned that since Avram had no heirs (which was a big concern of his) Lot would have been the obvious heir and so they treated Avraham’s pastures as their own. But when Avram does say goodbye, he requests that they part as brothers. Midrash Bereshit Rabba says that they even resembled each other physically, a rabbinic way of saying that everyone could tell they were close relatives. Avraham was accommodating, saying that if Lot went right, he would go left. The Miszrachi explains that Avraham was saying that although they may be separating he would stay close and keep an eye out for his nephew.
Lot chose the then-fruitful land of the Jordan Valley, near Sodom. When soon after he gets captured by local warlords, Avraham joins other local warlord to save him, no questions asked. The Midrash Tanchuma says that although Lot and Avraham had quarreled, when it came to saving Lot Avraham chose not to remember the strife. Bereshit 13:7 says that he heard that his “brother” had been captured. In a moment of crisis he forgot their fighting.
Afterwards, Lot and Avram go their separate ways, again. Avram to make a covenant with God. Lot, perhaps continuing the work that Avraham started, moving to Sodom. We don’t know how often they visited each other. Later Avraham tried to save Sodom, perhaps because Lot was there. Ultimately unsuccessful, Avraham goes to see the destruction for himself. The Torah tells us that God particularly heeded Avraham’s concern and making sure that Lot is saved.
Kitzur Ba'al HaTurim says the separation was made in peace and that it was a durable peace. He understands this from Moshe’s directive in Devarim 2:9 not to attack the people of Moav, one of the nations descended from Lot. Eventually, Lot’s descendant Ruth reunites the two families many generations later. Rabbi Joseph Dov HaLevi Soloveitchik compared Avraham and Lot to Naomi and Ruth. Lot and Ruth saw something in the relationship and kept trying to connect and eventually Avraham and Naomi, respectively, let them in. We are told that Avraham was a collector of people but Lot also wanted to be let in.
Shabbat Shalom with love,
Rabba Claudia